Love?

Where is the love i have been looking for?
When is the time i could be able to hold your hand?
Walk through the toughest winter together 
Till the spring come.
Will it happen?
Or was it my delusional mind that keep running?
I saw a cute couple the other day
And what came in my mind was you
Hoping some days
It would be us.


Well fuck this. I don't even think it will happen anyway maybe it is just my mind that keeps running unnecessary shit. Even your smallest action does keep my mind run wild...so? what an ill fated love i was deeply into you as you can see here. All that i can say is...desperate. Yes me desperately want you even though it can't happen.

You wet my eyes but i don't mind it.

Always questioned myself; what is love.

Love is a tricky things they said.
I doubt so.
So many contrary feelings in it 
But that's what make love beautiful, isn't it?

.

I needed you
Your face answered me
You knew it
But all those "comfort" face you gave wasn't enough.
I needed you 
Physically 

.

Maybe...maybe 
Our love wasn't strong enough 
To fight the world

.

The saddest truth
Is realising you have madly fall in love 
With what can never be.

Palette

PA LETTE.

Hi! How are you? 

I am writing because you exist, just like Instagram! i am posting because you exist..Okay thats way too lame. Well i am here wanting to tell y'all how i really wished i could escape reality. 

*Disclaimer if you are not into emotional shit or a guy not doing his "guy" things well you are welcome to click that "X" on my page.  Please leave instead of staying, reading everything and commenting irrelevant shit asking me to "man up and stop all my gay korean shit" thats doesnt help. Just imagine you have a close friend facing shit in life and she is on her edge of wanting to commit suicide and there you are asking her to "shut the fuck up wipe the tear" thinking that stupid ass sentence would help. So if you are hater just fuck off before i fucking slap your god damn face and your mom face.*

Back to my point! <3

I mean have you ever been in a situation where you are being force to smile, your mind is exhausted, you have no one, you are afraid of growing up and you don't know what you will become someday. Have you?

These thoughts keep wandering around.

You just want it to stop and run away from everything. Nothing could ease these problems, no one would understand it. It's all in your head

"what does it feel like"

Its just feel like there is someone living in your body, someone is controlling your mind but it's not you. All you can do is just to let it go and let it go...

We escape reality and far away

No one can hear us

No one can see us.

I have many things to share with y'all out there before i leave this beautiful place. 

I have always to wanted to share how beautiful we are as person hoping it would help to those who are facing negative thought every night. 

To those who have stayed and watched me grow i am really really thankful to have you in my life. It was a god gift and i cant explain how much my love is for y'all. 

Thank you so much for waiting patiently! i will update my youtube and blog soon i promise! more story time to come! Slip Tea, Makeup Routine and many more!

Till we meet again! 

XOXO

- Joel Kiam -

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/joel_kiam/

Youtube - www.youtube.com/joelkiam

Great Escape

Great Escape.

Do you still remember? how we first met?

Just us.

Nobody else and we smell freedom...

oh! what does freedom smell like?

It smell like cowshitt. 

we were broke as fuck.

not enough cash and we literally have nothing

nothing at all.

We both had a crazy obsession for ford

so we stole ford car whose rich people owns it

we ride thru the night 

we held each other hand. Yea

thats when we went crazy in love. 

Sex in the car was like an icing on top of the cake

"Lets get money now babe we can fall in love later"

You said.

We ride down-town 

Robbed the bank

Stolen numerous of cars

Held up dozen of small grocery shops and gas station.

It was chaotic 

We committed several murder

We killed the police 

You know us we hate the law

Run we escape.

like the modern robin hood 

films show, black and white

That us.

Shoot after shoot 

we didn't managed to escape.

we didn't manage to see each other for the last time

or telling each other how much we loved each other 

still i love how we are in this deep shit together.

It's was a long journey

Bloody us.

We robbed the rich to help the poor. Will the society like us?

Someday they'll bury us side by side 

to few it'll be grief 

To law a relief 

but it's death for us.

https://www.instagram.com/joel_kiam/?hl=en

WILD 2018

“SOMETIMES EVERYTHING IS SUDDENLY REALLY SIMPLE. IT’S LIKE EVERYTHING SHIFTS IN A MOMENT, AND YOU STEP OUT OF YOUR BODY, OUT OF YOUR LIFE, YOU STEP OUT AND YOU SEE WHERE YOU ARE REALLY CLEARLY. YOU SEE YOURSELF AND YOU THINK, ‘FUCK THIS SHIT.'

It is only the BEGINNING of 2018 

i am ready to leave 

and fast forward to 2019...

How are you? Its been a long time i hope everything is great.

New Year

New Year .
1/01/2018

Happy New Year i guess! 2017 has been a really really tough year for me
but it was hella of ride...with emotion.
Facing anxiety and depression wasn't that easy.
I have try to overcome it

It just feel weird that 2017 have come to an end.
I just had this very weird feeling for 2018.
i dont know how to describe it...
or maybe i am not ready to enter the life of a normal 18 years old kid

oh! i went to a beach party yesterday
its was pouring heavily 
tryna to get 2017 the fuck out of my chest and was ready to cheers 2018
but i got myself drunk early
it sucks 
everyone get to enjoy watching the fireworks with their loved one under their umbrella.
there is me trying to force myself to vomit with a random stranger helping me out
missed my facetime call with my bestfriend
we promised each other 
but i missed it
it sucks
just simply suck
it wasn't a good start for 2018.

Weak

Hi it's been a long time. 
Didn't get to update my life here. 
Yea i was lost, my soul was lost when it was on its way to find a better me.
I still hasn't change.
My thoughts are running wild in fact it became worst.
Round and round 
My routine still hasn't change too
I scream my heart out when nobody is around 
I cried my heart out loud every single night
Hoping these pain would go away
But it never did
Everything is a mess right now
Friends are slowly leaving 
Every single one of them
Who would stay?
"Nobody"
My metal thoughts replied
They won't come back anymore
Till the days shit happen to them and
Till then i will be able to meet them again
Am i being used?


Life is simple
All i ever wanted was just a simple human being sticking by my side till the day i close my eyes
Making me feel that my presence is important 

Someone you would take a gun and die for
Someone you would afraid to lose.

It is just that simple.

My mind's crazy
I gave them all my best
But received none
Everything tragic is all i've got

My heart's broken 
Too much expectation 
Too much hope.